Everything about Russia is huge. The country in itself is just inexplicably humongous that it can't really be understood even by staring intently at an Atlas for hours. On top of that, everything in it is big. Big cities that have buildings the size of villages and monuments that make the few prides of finnish architecture look like huts and cottages.

This is a story in two parts about 9 small people in a very big place.

The 7 of us (Jaani from Iconcrash had already spent a few days of frivolous fun in Moscow and Esa was to follow us the next day, due to work-restraints) met at the railway-station and packed ourselves into "Tolstoi" - The Helsinki-Moscow express train. It didn't take long until most of our crew had already found the restaurant-car and the rest of the trip was pretty much spent there. Some of us had tea and sandwiches, some of us had something stronger, but nothing really happened on the 12+ hour trip. Even the borders were crossed without incident and slowly my nagging stress of something going wrong was finally letting go a bit. Reko from Iconcrash got a bit silly with local beverages and we ate like czars when some drunken party from the next table left the car to pass out somewhere, leaving lordly amounts of food untouched. Among these three portions of caviar! We were on our way to the heart of Mother Russia and we were traveling with style.

In the morning we were greeted with the snowy landscapes of the outskirts of Moscow and before we knew it the train had already stopped at the platform of Leningradskiy Voksal in Moscow where our local hostess - the bottomlessly patient Melamory was already waiting for us (believe you me, this she did a lot!) with the endlessly sunny Mona. We took a few seconds to make our aquaintance and headed inside the station to buy tickets for the nighttrain to St. Petersburg for Saturday night.

Acting like the tourists we are, we made our first contact with local authorities even before we had tickets to get out of there! The contact was about our boys thinking that it's ok to smoke anywhere in Russia, when in reality we had found the single one place in the country where smoking was not allowed. Not that there were any sings to actually spread this information, but still…

Got the tickets and dove into the most baffling subway-system in the world. Not that it's that complicated, but considering the amount of stops, the stops being written in cyrillics, the amount of people, the haste of all happening things and everything else, the subway in Moscow can be a seriously confusing experience for us western losers used to soft and comfortable public transportation. Especially since it was rush hour peak and we had huge amounts of gear to carry.

We took the subway to somewhere very far from the train station and everything else for that matter. Then there was the walk. It wasn't really that long, but in the morning, carrying that amount of gear and following a night of very little proper sleep (none for some, like Anu) it seemed endless.

Then finally we got to our local sanctuary, Melamory's place where the weary got rest on soft beds and the hungry got fed with a plentiful russian breakfast.

Then it was time for some tourism. At least for most of us, as Reko was too tired (hung-over) and Anu was too tired (actually tired) to go, so five of us dared to take on this eastern metropolis of over 10 million inhabitants and left for the city.

As time was seriously limited, we decided to do what any self-respecting Moscow-tourist in a hurry would do: head straight for the Red Square and the Kreml. And so we did. It's not often that one feels as small as I did on that afternoon as we walked in the gates of the square and were greeted with it's snow-covered surface, the towering red walls of the Kreml and St. Basil's regal glory. We took photos, because that's what tourists do.

Then we did what we do best: went to a café.

We were going to play two shows that night: First at Club Lumos and then at the eerily named Blues Café. At this point we got the information that the show in Club Lumos was going to be some sort of VIP-thingy and personally I have to say that It wasn't really the thing I needed to get my spirits up for the show as there's nothing I hate more than playing for people who are there for some totally different reason than for the music.

Anyway, we went back to Melamory's and found two heavily refreshed people there plus a hyperactive Jaani with his russian escort Julia. We took our stuff and again started to carry them through the snow and the cold to the subway. Luckily the first soundcheck was to be at the Blues Café which was located just next door to a subway station that was on the same line as Melamory's place (although it took about 45 minutes of riding on the subway to get there) and the rest of the evening we were going to have a van to carry us from place to place, so the carrying was pretty much limited to the trip between Melamory's and the subway station. Thank god.

We got to the Blues Cafe, had some food that looked very nice, but lacked somewhat in quantity (I'm speaking for myself here, though…) and did the worst soundcheck ever. We were already stressed because we were playing as a trio - Viola without Esa for the first time ever - and we were very much underrehearsed, but the soundcheck was almost the final straw. Nothing seemed to go right! To top things off, I almost broke my "rods" (the kind of drum sticks that are made of many smaller sticks) and I didn't have any spare with me. Gaffa-tape to the rescue! As always…

Then we rode (for a very long time, I might add!) the van to Club Lumos. The milieu there was very baffling. A luxury-car dealership downstairs and some heavily upscale atmosphere going on at the club. I was afraid to touch anything or sit on anything so that I wouldn't make things dirty. The equipment at the club seemed all brand new and especially the drum-kit seemed like it had never been used before.

A few people came, had some dinner, we played. Not much more to tell.

We had to leave before Iconcrash played to make the weird schedule work so I can't really tell you anything of their performance, but judging by the soundcheck and the atmosphere, they must have felt a bit out of place.

Then the Blues Café. When we arrived, there was a nice amount of people in the door - all eating or enjoying nice conversations. We played, but this time got way more attention than at Lumos. Probably because the Blues Café was far better suited for live music and people there seemed to be a bit more used to bands playing. Halfway through the set all the anxiety of the soundcheck and the weird feeling that grabbed me at Lumos seemed to have been lifted off completely and I finally started feeling good. I have no idea if it affected my playing, but for the latter part of the set I actually enjoyed it. The people didn't really seem like they were over the moon for us, but at least they seemed curious and highly supportive. I can't really describe the atmostphere better than "warm". I had a sweet time and by the end of the set I felt like the biggest challenge of the trip was finally over and we had survived! We managed to play without Esa, hopefully for the last time, since his bass is what makes us bump-n-thump and without it we're but a hollow shell.

Again, I missed Iconcrash and the rest of the evening, since Mona, who was supposed to accommodate Riku and me said that her father was coming to pick us up with his car and judging by the directions she had drawn me earlier, I didn't want to try to get there on our own later in the cold night of Moscow, so we hopped into Mona's father's car ("we took your daddy's car…", eh?) and started a 45+ minute drive from Moscow to Moscow through Moscow. We saw a lot of big things and kept asking Mona and her father about them. The weirdest was one huge tower that Mona dismissed as being "just an apartment building", although when inquiring about the possibility to get a penthouse there, we got the reply "you'd have to be very rich" and a laugh. We were convinced.

A late supper and straight to bed. SMS-communication with the others revealed that there was alcohol being consumed at the Blues Café. Luckily they got rid of us boring soberites.

After this it was time to "turist" again. Anu and Esa had not seen the Red Square the previous day, so we decided to go there again. The only problem was the weather that can only be described as russian: 10000 mph wind that's cold as the russian purgatory and heavy snow "falling down" sideways. Anything more and it would have officially been a blizzard. It made tourism kind of hard, but after meeting Anu and Riku from Iconcrash at a café we had a go at it, doing our best to see everything and anything interesting regardless of the hostile bone-chilling weather. After a while we called it quits and headed for the sweet haven of a "karaoke"-restaurant (we never saw any karaoke, though, but got to see a Russia - Georgia rugby match on TV!) close to the venue of the evening - Club Relax.

After this things started getting interesting. The dynamic trio of Henkka (our soundguy) + Reko and Jani from Iconcrash had had a rather busy night with some local liquid refreshments and we had agreed that they are the ones who go to Melamory's place at 4pm sharp to load the gear into taxis and then ride the taxis to the venue. Around 4:05 I start getting SMS:s from Melamory asking where the guys are. Lots of confusion ensues. I'll spare you the details, but in the end we're left with one very unhappy local hostess, one major internal argument within the group and about 100 dollars less money due to waiting taxis. These things happen. Right?

Anyway, all in all we get to the club ok and begin doing soundcheck that seems to be the most difficult task in the world. Nothing sounds right and nothing seems to work but after a while we get everything set up so that we feel we'll be ok. Well, at least not a total disaster.

Then we kicked back for a while.

Then the people started coming in.

Let me set the scene for you: The event was a birthday party for none other than love metal crooner Ville Valo of finnish superstars HIM. This means that the place was totally packed with semi-gothic teenage-girls and that anything and everything from Finland - and especially Helsinki - was hot hot hot stuff. The DJ played a lot of HIM but to the huge amazement of our crew, he also made the crowd dance with stuff like Agents, Badding and Neljä Ruusua (the last of which is a serious crime against humanity!) and anything that was even marginally HIM-related.

Then the bands started playing. The first one was Dark Secret Love and as you can probably figure out by the name, they played HIM covers - and 'Rebel Yell' by Billy Idol'. Nothing much of interest. Cover-bands rarely are if you've seen the real thing.

Then there was someone else. They played some sort of gothic-y metal - and 'Rebel Yell' by Billy Idol. Not much to say about them either.

Then it was our turn. Viola went on first and it was probably the weirdest show we've ever done. A ravenous pack of screaming girls front row center and a crowd that was roaring and responding to every stupid move we made with very little regard for the music in itself. I had promised myself to play extra-hard, since it was a metal crowd and that I did. I don't think I've ever banged that hard and it was definitely a good way to forget about the ultra-weird things going on around me. We played, they cheered. We played a HIM-cover, they cheered even more. I didn't feel it.

Lucky for Iconcrash, they were more at home in that situation. Using all the boyish charm and shameless thirst for attention the boys took the crowd and stuffed them into their pockets. Well done, boyz.

The few hours we had to spare after the show were confusing. I've never autographed that many papers, wrote that many stories, posed in that many photos or been so uncomfortable. I have nothing against any of the people that came up to us that night. They all seemed super-sweet. It's just that kind of attention that freaks me out. I didn't feel like they were there for our music. I felt like they had all the wrong reasons to approach us and take our pictures and get our autographs. I'm probably very guilty of a very ugly generalization here and I know this. Most of them were probably genuinely interested in us and just didn't have any other way to show it, but I just felt heavily out of place. Can't help it.

We hopped into taxis, said goodbye to Mona and Melamory (who had luckily calmed down a bit at this point) and headed for the train to St. Petersburg, which was very much nothing that I had prepared the others for. On my previous trips to Russia all the night trains were very crude cattle trasport vehicles for humans, but the one we had tickets for was very much like Tolstoy - the train that brought us here. That meant that contrary to what I thought beforehand, I think most of us got some proper sleep which was very much needed at this point.

Lights out.

Tommi

On to part 2 >>